A few personal words just came out that I want to share with you. There is a little bit of an intro before I'm talking about the recognition of the innocence that I've just got a sweet taste of. From that space, Love <3
:
:
Slowly coming out of a few days of sickness
still feeling quite weak
stepping out of the house
there is a little bit of sun coming through the clouds
It's been raining all night
the grass is wet
I hear the foreign and familiar sounds of australian birds
sounds of cars in the distance
there is a pool in front of me, almost green in color
frangipani, palm trees, avocado trees, bushes
statues and objects from different countries
for my eyes randomly placed around
just as they are
here
a home for a few days
friends taking care of me while my body is cleansing
weakening emptying and maybe just preparing for my quest
:
I'm stepping out under this grey sky
breathing fresh air
there is a lot of quiet ~ silence in my being
:
It feels like these past months have been very noisy
internal noise, turmoil, hidden places
welling to the surface
crying for attention
receiving attention
I know the noise has always been there
only now I made space to listen and integrate
partially integrate
feeling my emotional extremes, repetitive patterns
"Being with" ... such a longing to be able to ...
"Being with" not being able to "Be with"
while something greater is "Being with" all of it
grace
:
Now
peace
very quiet
:
All I wanted to say
and why I started writing
is
:
now here
I'm recognizing the innocence in all of it
what I see outside - inside
I can't really describe how that feels like
other than it's peaceful
these innocent places where I'm looking from
(and the other does)
talking from
acting from
trying to justify myself from
the innocent places from where I want to be the wise one
the one who has an overview
which would make me feel safe
this place that is innocently "trying" all sorts of things
and behaviors "in order to"
be loved
:
I deeply feel the innocence in that
in myself
in the other
I'm feeling the sweetness in this innocence
and how exhausting all that trying is
as I'm sensing through the eyes of my heart
:
my heart is opening quietly even more as I'm recognizing this innocence
:
:
(~ And most likely it's again just a moment of recognition
I know it will go and might
come again
in a different way ~
and this is not important from this place now ...
that was the one speaking who wants
to have an overview and wants to KNOW
did you hear her?)
:
:
the innocence
and newness and freshness of each moment
:
I'm feeling like a big spacious mother for all these
driven actions to solve, to do, to try, to want a situation to be different
I'm now only feeling this sweetness which is
welling from a deep place within my heart
and behind my eyes
I guess that is love
unconditional
love
and
being with
unconditionally
<3